Retro Chic

When I saw this Dior ad...



Notwithstanding the large and capacious handbag...



It made me think of a certain other woman:





Although whether as Emma Peel or not, Diana Rigg had more talent, greater style - and smaller hair.

A Little Dap'll Do Ya

("Hmm. What is the significance of what those inscrutable black people are doing?")

Yahoo was touting this story on their front page, linking to this story, which in turn linked The Washington Post's gossip column.

John Cole had a funny post on this, and Ta-Nehisi Coates weighs in here here and here. I know the gesture, although honestly, I'm not sure I've heard it called "dap." The New York Times describing it as a "closed-fisted high-five" made me laugh. Still, the craziest description has to be this one, that Cole says has since been scrubbed from the Human Events site:

Michelle is not as “refined” as Obama at hiding her TRUE feelings about America—etc. Her “Hezbollah” style fist-jabbing—mouth-twisted anti-American speeches is STRAIGHT from ISLAM!

The thing that cracks me up about all this is the slight anthropological sheen to some of the accounts, investigating the customs of those mysterious black folk. It reminded me of when Elisabeth Hasselbeck asked whether white people could attend Barack Obama's church. But hey, I suppose it's all educational and in good fun, right?

I was given slight pause by the WaPo piece featuring to a 'body language expert.' For a gossip piece, for fun, that's cool, but I don't want to see that kind of stuff in lieu of serious political coverage, and we have some awfully shallow pundits. (Bob Somerby's written that Chris Matthews loves body language discussions.)

On that note, Gawker had a great piece on all this as well:

The standard cultural arbiter of what Real Americans do and what they are like is someone like Chris Matthews. He's a loud, brash Irish Catholic guy, getting up there in age, with an admittedly solid blue-collar history (former DC cop!) who's been in a bubble of wealth and privilege just long enough to make him utterly deluded about the people in this country who live outside the wealthiest enclaves of the Eastern Seaboard. Over the last decade or so, he's come to decide that Real Americans are, basically, Nixon's "silent majority"—aging white men of modest means. Sadly he barely even understands what these modern-day Angry White Men are like, so he's extrapolating from his own time in their circle, decades ago. This is why he is pretty sure he knows that Real Americans drink like this, and hey, no one plays pool anymore!

Yup, that's the same Matthews who apparently thinks African-Americans and college grads aren't regular people.

Still, I must take issue with Monsieur Coates claiming the fist bump, fist tap, respect knuckles, dap, started as a 'black thing,' whatever that means. As if whites would ever appropriate anything from black culture! Obama clearly stole this gesture from another presidential candidate, and I have the video to prove it:



I still don't know why that didn't make the final cut.

(Cross-posted at The Blue Herald)

Oscar Drinking Game, 2008 Edition

Last year's edition was used at three Oscar parties that I know of, and resulted in about two beers per person, so that seems about right. (Wine drinkers may wish to take daintier sips.)

Feel free to adapt or improve this list as you wish. House Rules always take precedence. (And remember, you don’t need to use this drinking alcohol!)

Oh, and don't drink and drive, but being a person of culture and taste who can still appreciate the glorious-and-ridiculous excesses of the Oscars, you'd never do that, would you?

Oscar Drinking Game, 2008 Edition

For every mention of the writers' strike, take only a sip. Take it easy there.

For every joke about Bush being a) dumb b) a dictator c) spoken to by God d) from Texas, take a drink.

For every joke about Dick Cheney being Darth Vader, Voldemort, Satan or the like, take a drink. Take another if it's "Cthulhu." Take no drinks for any reference to Cheney shooting someone, unless it uses some variation on the phrase "shooting an old man in the face."

For every joke about the Democrats in D.C. being spineless, take a drink.

For every joke about the race, gender or age of the remaining presidential nominees, take a drink.

If Kucinich gets a shout-out, take a drink. If his wife being gorgeous is referenced, take a drink, and if her tongue-stud is mentioned, take another.

For every joke about Romney being an animatronic robot escaped from Disneyland (or similar), take a drink.

If the competing endorsements of conservative action stars are referenced somehow, take a drink.

For every Arnold Schwarzenegger joke, take a drink. If they say “Cally-forn-nia” take another, and if they mention Conan, take three more.

If Michael Moore reminds the assemblage that they booed him off stage in 2003 when he said that Iraq was invaded under false pretenses, take a drink.

If Jon Stewart references his part in Death to Smoochy again, take a drink. If he says "third male lead," take another.

For every joke involving Tom Cruise and cult-like behavior, take a drink. If anyone mentions Xenu, take another. If anyone says "Hail Xenu!" finish your drink, and if it's said in earnest, head for the hills.

If any of the "train wreck girls" are invoked (Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Ritchie, Paris Hilton, etc.), take a drink. If "rehab" is mentioned, take another drink. If Amy Winehouse comes out and sings a few bars of "Rehab," finish your drink.

If Jack Nicholson is shown grinning, take a drink. If Jack is sitting with an actress younger than one-third his age (71), take three drinks.

If the Weinsteins have taken hostage a gorgeous actress to sit with them, take a drink (and say a prayer for the poor dear).

If George Clooney's love life is referenced, take a drink. If anyone makes a homoerotic joke about Clooney, take two drinks.

If anyone references "I drink your milkshake!" or spoofs another TWBB speech, take a drink.

If the director cuts from Brad Pitt to Jennifer Aniston or vice versa, take a drink.

If someone makes a joke about Russell Crowe and he scowls at it, take a drink.

For each American who wins an acting award, take a drink (look at the list!).

If one of the presenters can’t pronounce a nominee’s name or can’t read the teleprompter, take a drink.

For every lame joke that bombs — drink some water, you need to pace yourself.

If anyone thanks God, the almighty, etc. take a drink. If they thank Ganesha or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, finish your drink.
If anyone thanks his or her agent, take a sip of someone else's drink.
If anyone says he or she is “humbled” or “blessed,” take a drink.
If the music starts before the winner is finished, take a drink.
If not all the winners in a group get to speak, take a drink.
If someone forgets to thank their significant other, take a drink.
If anyone cries, whether onstage or in the audience, take a drink.
If a winner says, “Gosh, I don’t know who to thank,” only to begin thanking people, take a drink.

If anyone is caught snoozing in the audience, take a drink.

For any award presented by adorable moppets, adorable muppets, or animated characters, take a drink of soda or something sweet. If a live actor awkwardly banters with an animated character, take another drink of the same.

For every plea to stamp out movie piracy, take a drink.
For every seemingly purposeless montage, take a drink.
If the montage or a presenter in some way plugs seeing movies in the theater, take another drink.

If anyone climbs over Steven Spielberg and says they want to make love to the audience in the firmament, finish your drink.

For any interpretative dancing, take a drink. If any dance or musical number involves writhing on the ground amidst dry ice and burning trash cans, tap-dancing in a concentration camp, or dancing vermin, take a drink.

OSCAR PRE-SHOW (Optional)

If Joan Rivers insults her daughter, take a drink.
If she misidentifies someone, take a drink.

If Oprah snubs an interviewer, take a drink.

If anyone on the red carpet says, “it’s a honor just to be nominated,” take a drink.

If a normally stunning person is dressed in something hideous, make a snarky comment (as if you needed a prompt!).

If Billy Bush makes a bad pun to a celebrity, take a drink.
If anyone insults Billy Bush to his face — or punches him — send that person a case of champagne.

Oscar Dress Quiz

On the lighter side, the Washington Post has an Oscar Dress Quiz.

(I did surprisingly well on this, so if you actually follow this stuff, you'll probably ace it. One monstrosity was impossible to forget!)

Oscar Drinking Game

(Cross-posted at The Blue Herald)


My contribution to alcohol abuse for this Sunday is the following. Some of these are cribbed from other folks' lists in previous years, many are original, but many are pretty damn obvious regardless. Feel free to adapt or improve this list as you wish. (And remember, you don’t need to use this drinking alcohol!)

OSCAR DRINKING GAME

Every time Jack Nicholson is shown, take a drink.
If Jack is sitting with an actress younger than one-third his age (70), take three drinks.

Every time George Clooney is shown, take a drink.

If the director cuts from Brad Pitt to Jennifer Aniston or vice versa, take a drink.

For every joke about Mel Gibson, Michael Richards or Isaiah Washington, take a drink.
If “rehab” is mentioned in the joke, take another drink.

If someone makes a joke about Russell Crowe and he scowls at it, take a drink.

For every Arnold Schwarzenegger joke, take a drink. If they say “Cally-forn-nia” take another, and if they mention Conan, take three more.

For every reference to Marty Scorsese and his winless streak, take a drink.

If Helen Mirren says anything about almost falling “ass over tit” again, take a drink.
If Jessica Simpson says “ass over tit,” finish your drink.

If one of the presenters can’t pronounce a nominee’s name or can’t read the teleprompter, take a drink.

For every lame joke that bombs — drink some water, you need to pace yourself.

If anyone thanks his or her agent, take a drink.
If anyone says he or she is “humbled” or “blessed,” take a drink.
If the music starts before the winner is finished, take a drink.
If not all the winners in a group get to speak, take a drink.
If someone forgets to thank their significant other, take a drink.
If anyone cries, whether onstage or in the audience, take a drink.
If a winner says, “Gosh, I don’t know who to thank,” only to begin immediately thanking people, take a drink.

If anyone is caught snoozing in the audience, take a drink.

If Beyoncé changes her eyeshadow color mid-show, take a drink.

If any of the musical numbers involve tap-dancing, Debbie Allen, or homeless people slowly writhing through dry ice, take a drink.

For every plea to stamp out movie piracy, take a drink.
For every seemingly purposeless montage, take a drink.
If the montage or a presenter in some way plugs seeing movies in the theater, take another drink.

If anyone climbs over Steven Spielberg and says they want to make love to the audience in the firmament, finish your drink.

If Dreamgirls somehow still wins Best Picture despite not even being nominated, finish your drink and get another case.

OSCAR PRE-SHOW

If Joan Rivers insults her daughter, take a drink.
If she misidentifies someone, take a drink.

If Oprah snubs an interviewer, take a drink.

If anyone on the red carpet says, “it’s a honor just to be nominated,” take a drink.

If Billy Bush makes a bad pun to a celebrity, take a drink.
If Billy Bush asks an intelligent question, slap yourself to make sure you’re not dreaming.
If anyone smacks Billy Bush, finish your drink and send that man or woman a case of beer.

This Week's Sign of the Apocalypse

Gladiator, the musical.

Jailbird

In a story worthy of News of the Weird, a man requested more jail time because he’s a fan of Larry Bird. The very short AP item reports:

The lawyers reached a plea agreement Tuesday for a 30-year term for a man accused of shooting with an intent to kill and robbery. But Eric James Torpy wanted his prison term to match Bird's jersey number 33.

``He said if he was going to go down, he was going to go down in Larry Bird's jersey,'' Oklahoma County District Judge Ray Elliott said Wednesday. ``We accommodated his request and he was just as happy as he could be.

``I've never seen anything like this in 26 years in the courthouse. But, I know the DA is happy about it.''

Boy. Good thing for him he wasn’t a Jason Williams fan!

The Appearance of Justice

The always entertaining and occasionally crude blog Wonkette recently sponsored a Harriet Miers look-a-like contest. Like the majority of folks, I picked Amy Sedaris' alter ego Jerri Blank from the show Strangers with Candy (you can see more choices if you follow the links). However, Wonkette (snarkmistress Anne Marie Cox) allowed write-in candidates, and Emperor Palpatine made a spendid showing. Never underestimate the power of The Dark Side of The Force.

I must confess I'm a sucker for that ever popular Star Wars-SCOTUS humor, uniting geeks of divergent tribes... and the end of Wonkette's post, considering write-in candidates ranging from Florence Henderson to Zell Miller, made me laugh:

We'll consider doing a run-off between the poll winner and Palpatine if the Emperor's surge continues, though we will refrain from commmenting on the aptness of the write-ins otherwise. Except to say that there are all just as qualified to serve as Miers is.

Come to think of it, Palpatine and Scalia would make a great team.

On a slightly more serious note, it shouldn't be a shocker that the female Miers' appearance has gotten much more scrunity than that of John Roberts. Emily Messner's Washington Post blog "The Debate"
makes a quick, witty evaluation of the fairness of this double standard.

(Note: The Messner link above screws up the text display on some browsers. If this occurs for you, click here and just look up the 10/6/05 entry, "Appearances Matter - At Least for Female Nominees.")

Video Ho-ing

Regardless of how one feels about the new book Confessions of a Video Vixen, I think we can all agree that our lexicon is all the richer for the introduction of the new term “video ho-ing.” Speaking as a former high school English teacher, I can confirm this one will get wide usage. Last year gave us “wardrobe malfunction,” and now “video ho-ing” seizes my #2 spot for the year so far (#1 to follow shortly in another post). I’m still unclear as to who specifically deserves credit for this term, so before inclusion in the Oxford English Dictionary, further research is warranted.

The Washington Post offers two interesting articles on the book. The first is a general article which observes, among others things, that the sinner-finding-redemption book is a tried and true formula. Vixen’s author Karrine Steffans, fomerly “Super Head,” claims to be a writer first and foremost, and perhaps the book possesses sincerity beyond its commercial aspirations. Still, it’s certainly true that the “I once was lost but now am found” narrative allows for wallowing in salacious details of sex, drugs, and scandal while assuming a stance of piety. Often the authors have mixed feelings about their pasts, glorifying their behavior even as they claim to decry it. (If you listen to Henry Hill’s commentary on the Goodfellas DVD, he’s grateful to be free of some of his murderous associates, but you can tell he also misses those amazing seats at the Copacabana.) Meanwhile, Vixen’s book cover ain’t exactly a recruitment poster for the convent.

WP writer Donna Britt’s scathing reaction to the book comes in part from interviewing a DC mother of two daughters. One can disagree, but one sentence hit me hard:

"The perception is that if you dress or act a certain way, you'll be taken care of."

This used to be called the Prince Charming myth, where the Prince swept in on his gleaming white charger to rescue the poor hapless woman, who was supposed to wait patiently for this external savior... (Perhaps Steffans’ film deal will be with Disney, who can redo Snow White as Pimp Charming and the Seven... oh, I just can’t finish that sentence.)

On a related note, Slate recently featured a good article on Liz Goldwyn’s HBO doc, Pretty Things, about stripping in the burlesque era. Reviewer Rachel Shteir observes that:

The problem with Pretty Things is that the story Goldwyn really wants to tell is how striptease transformed her from ugly duckling to sexually confident swan.

and

Goldwyn worships the strippers as models of sexual self-empowerment, but the film is confused by the projection of her own post-feminist ideas about sex onto these women, and her desire to wield the kind of sexual power she sees them as having had.

Goldwyn is not the only woman ever to feel this way, and surely her feelings of empowerment are positive for her. Yet these three articles taken as whole do underline that not every choice is right for every person.

Pop culture narratives have embraced “the makeover” as a vehicle for feminine transformation for ages. (Innocuous or not, the final message of Grease appears to be: if he doesn’t like you way you are — change!) However, in the past decade many pop culture narratives have also pushed the idea that a woman is only truly liberated if she is overtly sexual. Madonna clearly feels it’s her calling to writhe about on a stage in front of a thousand people in an S&M brassiere and dental floss, but does Laura Bush feel the same? I think not! (Jenna Bush, perhaps...) Now, I have yet to meet a single straight man who enjoys listening to Madonna outside of a dance club context, but her shtick is plainly her shtick, and not something someone else has chosen for her.

In this day and age, must a young woman be chaste, or perceived to be so? Must she be overtly sexual? It’s natural for teenagers especially to try out a variety of identities and roles as they search for the right one... but must there be only a narrow range of identities to choose from? This is ultimately why I found these articles interesting, because “identity politics” usually involves trying to limit or disparage someone else versus embracing and expanding identity (witness the nasty terms “oreo” and “banana.”) Cornel West has bemoaned that “black culture” is assumed to be street culture and cannot be anything else. Barack Obama had a line in his rousing speech at the Democrat National Convention that referenced “the slander that says a black youth with a book is acting white.” Finally, on Ebert & Roper, Roger Ebert, when reviewing Friday Night Lights, observed the football-obsessed culture that envelops high-school kids in Texas and wondered, what about the kid who wants to do drama instead?

Perhaps Karrine Steffans can address these issues in her next book. (Let’s give the drama hos some love, too.)