The Many Faces of Dick

(crossposted at The Blue Herald)

You may be saying, “Hey, man, what’s up with your Cheney posts? First he’s Voldemort. Then he’s Colonel Jessup. Now he’s Vader? Make up your mind!”

To which I reply – “Who the heck are you?!? You mean someone actually reads these posts?”

But the truth is, dear reader – if thou be not phantom, but more real than — oh, Bush’s budget numbers, Cheney’s WMD, and ethics in this White House — there are many sides to our most cuddly of Vice Presidents. He contains multitudes. He is legion.

Yes, the right wing bloggers say, “Hey, loony left! Make up your mind! Is Cheney Satan himself, or merely an emissary of Satan?”

To which I reply — “Quick! Hillary Clinton murdered someone again! Get on it before Malkin and Rush beat ya to it, and maybe Glenn Reynolds will link you!” Heh.

Can Cheney’s full, dark majesty be captured with just one icon of evil? I say thee nay! When Cheney puts the lives of young men in peril, then he is Voldemort. When he sneers at human rights, the rule of law and lobbies aggressively for torture, then he’s Colonel Jessup down at Guantanamo. But when he wants to kick back, relax and pursue unchecked executive power, then he’s Darth Vader. (Umm, without the 11th hour conversion, of course. And Natalie Portman’s waaaaaay out of his league — except maybe as the object of a kidnap plot by the Dick Cheney League of Super-Villains.)

Besides, who can pass on “Darth Cheney”? It’s part of common parlance, not only on the left, but in the MSM and on late-night talk shows. It yields roughly 400,000 results on Google. "It-boy" himself Jon Stewart combined Darth Vader and Sauron for a bit (damn! I forgot one! A later post!). And let's face it, you know Cheney himself likes the nickname.

So yes, the metaphors and analogies shall keep coming for the wonder that is Dick. As long as he continues to lie, break the law and plunge the Office of the Vice President to unprecedented lows, the very least we can do, as patriots, is deride and ridicule him.