Headline Twist

So, this headline for LA Observed:

Means that this guy:

Endorses this woman in the Los Angeles mayoral race:

But for a split-second, I read it as Clinton endorses:

Hey, it's more filling than cake.

Beware the Ides of March!

Pulp Blog Fiction

The completely awesome Pulp-O-Mizer is dangerously fun. Gee whiz!

Terry Gilliam's Christmas Card

CBS News:

"Yes, a card makes Christmas complete." These are the first (and only) words in this 1968 short video made by Terry Gilliam. The Monty Python member made this festive cut-out animation for the British TV show "Do Not Adjust Your Set" – a show that featured several other members of what would become "Monty Python's Flying Circus." As you could probably guess, it's odd, funny, and very appropriate for the season.

It Is By Will Alone I Set My Cat in Motion

Rather than playing Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, playing Six Degrees of Dune, the 1984 cult film, works surprisingly well due to its large and eclectic cast. The above pic was sent by someone familiar with the film and the game...

LOLcat Poetry

This is Just to Say


I don't know about anybody else, but I could use some lighter stuff. Via.

The original (beautiful) poem can be read here.

American Politics Seen as a Japanese Monster Movie

(Thomas Jefferson's intended original artwork for the Declaration of Independence.)

Marx is the Godzilla of economics – heavy, but not real.
- Unknown

The State is... the coldest of cold monsters.
- Nietzsche

As a teenager, I ran across the two lines above separately, and put together, they made me think of politics as a giant monster movie. Liberty versus equality! Government versus private enterprise! The powerful versus the little guy! Dogs and cats, living together – mass hysteria!

This (mostly) tongue-in-cheek post will take this dubious premise to ludicrous extremes. We owe the Founding Fathers - and Godzilla - nothing less.

Godzilla started as a villain in the movies, but became something of a hero in later films. It's this Shakespearean moral ambiguity that makes him the best character to play the government. Take Thomas Paine's assertions that "government even in its best state is but a necessary evil," and that:

Society is produced by our wants, and government by wickedness; the former promotes our happiness positively by uniting our affections, the latter negatively by restraining our vices.

Compare this with Thomas Jefferson's contention that:

All, too, will bear in mind this sacred principle, that though the will of the majority is in all cases to prevail, that will to be rightful must be reasonable; that the minority possess their equal rights, which equal law must protect, and to violate would be oppression."

Let's also throw in James Madison from The Federalist No. 51:

If men were angels, no government would be necessary. If angels were to govern men, neither external nor internal controls on government would be necessary. In framing a government which is to be administered by men over men, the great difficulty lies in this: you must first enable the government to control the governed; and in the next place oblige it to control itself. A dependence on the people is, no doubt, the primary control on the government; but experience has taught mankind the necessity of auxiliary precautions.

Many political thinkers have wrestled with the proper balance of individual liberty in relation to a social contract, of restraints upon and license given to the powerful, and of equality under the law and core rights versus the will of the majority. We can see these core issues play out in many works, from John Locke's Second Treatise on Government to the Collected Political Works of Godzilla. For instance, what is the right balance between civil rights and law enforcement? Godzilla occasionally flattens cities and runs amok, but in later films, he's the 'people's monster' and the only one with the might to take on other powerful creatures that make the populace flee in terror. (Eat your heart out, Jack Bauer.)

The authoritarians of movement conservatism and glibertarians claim to hate "big government" and Godzilla, and rail against him constantly. They sometimes have a point - Godzilla has an unfortunate penchant for accidentally destroying raised trains and other forms of public transportation, and can cause other havoc. However, oddly enough, movement conservatives and glibertarians don't have any problem with other monsters rampaging across the countryside and crushing the citizenry – only Godzilla. Some pretend these other monsters don't exist at all – but most of them actually cheer these monsters on. Even more bizarrely, members of this crowd cheer destruction by Godzilla, too – as long as Godzilla destroys people and things they don't like (such as the aforementioned public transportation).

Godzilla alternatively fights alongside, and against, other monsters. While powerful, Godzilla is occasionally bested by Wall Street, represented here by the mighty King Ghidorah:

(Goldman Sachs is more specifically a giant vampire squid.)

Godzilla must also contend with the Military-Industrial Complex (Mechagodzilla, who sometimes tries to fool the populace by going disguised as the actual Godzilla):

There's also the powerful energy industry (Hedorah the Smog Monster):

There's the insurance industry, able to immobile its foes its foes in red tape silk (Mothra):

For social conservatives opposing equal rights, let's go with a giant Sneetch:

(Yeah, a Sneetch ain't a Japanese monster, but it'd still be fun to see one tussle with Godzilla.)

As long as we're not strictly sticking with Japanese monsters, for the theocrats screaming fiery damnation, let's go with the ancient evil Balrog:

For neocons, Randians and anyone else who fights for ideology regardless of reality, there's Mecha-Streisand:

Legitimate citizen watchdog groups sometimes fight Godzilla and occasionally help him against more destructive monsters (as does Anguirus):

Watchdog groups can be tenacious in their fight against powerful monsters.

Reality-based bloggers using the hamster-powered internet tubes normally fight against perceived injustice, like humanoid robots Jet Jaguar, Ultraman and Spectreman:

In contrast, authoritarian bloggers are objectively pro-monster. (Evil monster, that is. For their perceived foes, it's: "Ex-ter-mi-nate!!!")

Most citizens just flee in terror, though.

While we're mainly dealing with domestic politics here, Godzilla sometimes faces foreign foes (like Space Godzilla):

Some political players, like Newt Gingrich, seek to impose a "small Godzilla," like son of Godzilla Minilla:

Or Godzilla's clownish son Godzooky (shudder):

In any case, if we're running with this (increasingly strained) analogy, anarchists and certain libertarians seek to destroy all monsters. There may be some people who want to destroy every monster save Godzilla, but they seem to be rare in America. "Classic" liberals such as liberals and rule-of-law conservatives believe that the power of all monsters must be contained, but that Godzilla can be a force for good - or at least that he is necessary for combating the destructive impulses of the many other monsters. When Wall Street (Ghidorah) or other monsters attack the screaming populace, citizen groups can only do so much, and the weight of Godzilla is the most powerful counter. However, when Godzilla is under mind-control (a frequent monster movie trope) or otherwise teams up with Ghidorah or one of the other monsters, the populace is in big trouble. Americans don't like to believe we have a class system. But when Godzilla takes a laissez-faire slumber beneath the waves, or shows monster class solidarity and lets the other monsters trample citizens – or even joins in – the devastation can be terrible. Just think back on the last, monstrous regime. The Bush administration let loose the creatures of Monster Island, torched America and the world with nuclear mutant lizard flame, and trampled on human rights like a crazed, sweaty man in a giant rubber suit on a model metropolis.

It bears repeating: the authoritarians of movement conservatism love to criticize Godzilla, but they're eager to exploit his power when they have him under control. Glibertarians are much the same, and will insist that the other monsters aren't rampaging across the countryside and crushing citizens, or that those monsters simply don't exist. (Like the aliens in some of the Godzilla flicks, they're indifferent to the destruction of others, and happy for it if it profits them.) "Classic" liberals are intent on building a system of Godzilla-management that's responsible and benefits everybody. Authoritarians are only interested in power and fortune, regardless of where or how they acquire it, and no matter who gets hurt in the process. They cannot be trusted with the power of Godzilla.

Most of American politics really comes down to competing views on Godzilla. Is Godzilla, good, evil, or a neutral force? Is a starve the beast strategy really wise, or is competence in Godzilla-management important? Should other monsters be free to eat screaming citizens - and if so, how many? A pundit's feelings on Godzilla are as a window to the soul. For instance, can Glenn Beck really be trusted? Is this crying, teabagging demagogue a Godzilla kind of guy?

And while this analogy may seem silly and strained - really, when you think about it, doesn't every Sunday morning political show pretty much sound like this?

"RRRAAAAAAAAAA-aaaaaaaAHH!!!!"

Update: Darkblack passes on his great picture of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man:



In comments, watchdog votes for Stay-Puft as a "good rep for the insurance agencies, he looks good, but is evil, not good for you and is sticky as hell too." John seconds the vote, and makes the case for including King Kong as "the will of the American people." As for King Caesar and some of the other monsters, I already linked this Godzilla roll call video above, but there were too many to include them all.

The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man is an inspired choice for the insurance industry, or maybe giant food corporations loading packaged food with sugar and salt. Still, the version above, with the Cheney face and hapless Lady Liberty, makes me think a bit of the torture and warrantless surveillance crowd, promising you'll be cozy, warm and safe in child-like innocence as the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, well - tramples on human rights like a crazed, sweaty man in a giant (foam) rubber suit on a model metropolis. But hey, go with what ya like.

Meanwhile, Mike "Monster Keyboards" Finnigan (who kindly linked this post) passes on the final battle:



It's not just classic monster cinema, folks, it's Democracy in Action. (Now if only the Obama administration would do the same to Wall Street scoundrels...)

Update 2 (12/3/09): All right, I'm wary of infinite updates, but there have been some really good suggestions in comments. In accordance with general consensus, we'll stick with the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man for the insurance industry:



Mothra is now the United Nations instead, endowed with a global perspective and special powers of communication. She normally aids peace among other monsters, but sometimes her webbing powers impede good things as well. While quite powerful, Mothra doesn't always get that much respect, because as opposed to being a giant nuclear dinosaur, she's, ya know, a moth. A giant gardenia or (energy efficient) light bulb might immobilize her. Or, as Rhadamanthus puts it:

Mothra's never been able to hold opponents down for long with her silk/webs (UN pressures) or public protests in other nations (largely ineffective nips at opponents' tails in larval form). Even when killed (League of Nations?) she "returns" in the form of new progeny hatching.

The tiny singing women can represent UN diplomats, the smaller, peace-seeking nations of the world, and Bono.




I agree that "giant, flying turtle" Gamera works very well for the media. Quoth Rhadamanthus:

While we may want him to fight all evil monsters, he tends to get tired easily and goes off to rest. Bad things usually happen during this time, and everyone wonders, "What has happened to Gamera?"

The Wiki entry lists several Gamera flying methods, but like Watchdog, it's the spinning one I remember:

Gamera also has the ability to fly. Generally, Gamera pulls in his arms, legs, head, and tail into his shell, fires flames out of his arm and leg cavities and spins around like a flying saucer. This mode of flight had an added advantage in the later films, where he used the sharp edges of his shell to cut enemies while spinning, similar to a circular saw.

Spinning furiously and blindly away, occasionally cutting down evil monsters, but also smacking into good monsters and allowing public works to be destroyed; going to nap, and pulling his head inside his shell so he can't see a damn thing even when it should be obvious – yeah, that sounds like our corporate media. Plus, let's not forget the media's ability to flip suddenly on foes, Gymkata-style.

It's sorta scary that this extended silly analogy is already far more sophisticated than anything the teabaggers or glibertarians offer, huh?

(Fixed some formatting.)

Valentine's Day 2009

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

- H.L. Mencken

The art of love is knowing how to join the temperament of a vampire with the discretion of an anemone.

After E. M. Ciorian - or is it Richard Howard?

I'm afraid I can't compete with last year's Valentine's Day rant (dubbed "The Grinch Who Shanked Cupid" by Fade). So you may be better off with that (minus the dated political references). But this year, we sally forth nonetheless, marking the day with music – and the ladies represent.

We'll kick it off right here in America:



Even in an era of big hair, one woman reigned supreme.

Now over to the U.K. and retro girl group, the Pipettes:



Now over to France and indie chanteuse Soko:



Finally, Ida Maria rocks it, Norwegian-style:



Oh, okay, for you poetry lovers, here's the Bard again:

Sonnet 130
By William Shakespeare

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress when she walks treads on the ground.
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

Iconic Silliness

I've seen a fair amount of these, as profile pics, on blogs... So, just for kicks:





I didn't make the following, but it's clever:



Blue Gal also has a good one, and links two other pics she made.

Six Word Memoirs

It's the hot new meme sweeping the blogosphere! Amy tagged me, so here we go. The rules are:

1. Write your own six word memoir

2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like

3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere

4. Tag five more blogs with links

5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

I'm told this all stems from Hemingway, who apparently met the challenge of writing a novel in six words with: For Sale: baby shoes, never worn.

Umm, okay, so no pressure, then, to be brilliant like that or anything. I went through several versions of the memoir:

Seven states. Three countries. Much art.

Immaturity? I call it reverent irreverence.

I sound my yawp against corruption.

Dude, you take things too seriously.

Comedy where possible, action where necessary.

Drama's great, but more bawdiness, please.

Carl Barks to Kurosawa to Orwell.

Learning, acting, teaching, filming, writing, moving.

Alright, done with that. What's next?

Hey, riffing is my thing, baby. (Damn! Another one!) Anyway, for my "official" entry, I decided I'd go with something a little more, um, abstract:

Oooh, look, shiny! Socrates and Godzilla!


(Click for a larger view.)

To be more serious, lacking Hemingway's gift, I'd say the challenge for memoir is picking which defining moments of many to use, which aspects of one's life or personality are most salient. As Alice says in Wonderland, "I could tell you my adventures beginning from this morning, but it's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then." I actually don't feel my personality is that different from when I was a kid (shades of 49 Up), but successive waystations have invited or demanded different aspects. The truth is, I've always felt every person is many people inside, or has many sides to him or her. (For that matter, I also think the best relationships are those where you can show or explore the most sides, or where the other person accepts, encourages or draws out the best aspects of you.) But as to the basic mix, as Wordsworth put it, "the child is father of the man."

I don't know how many other people have done some version of a "Who am I?" exercise (we did that sort of thing at the school where I taught), but I found the most accurate approach for me was to define myself as the tension between different aspects. Zen appeals to me because I can be so impatient and annoyed. I admire compassion in others in part because I can be self-absorbed. I feel compelled to call bullshit, but also like to make people laugh. Of course, those last two especially can intersect.

(And ain't nothing like a gadfly breathing nuclear blue flame. You'll wipe that smirk off your face, Bill Kristol, when your bloodthirsty hack ass is on fire.)

And on that note... Many of the blogs I'd tag have already done this, so if you haven't, and you'd like to participate, have at it! As Glen Hansard would say, T'anks!

The Book Meme

D'oh! Tagged by Lance Mannion! (I'm not sure about the "gentleman" thing, though, nor even the "scholar"... )

Here's how you play:

• look up page 123 in the nearest book
• look for the fifth sentence
• then post the three sentences that follow that fifth sentence on page 123.

Monsieur Mannion mercifully grants a Liberal Fascism exception.

I'm sure you'd be shocked to know that in front of the two massive, overflowing bookcases (thankfully bolted to the wall at last, since I'm in earthquake territory) by my desk are stacks of books piled up in loosely organized piles. (Yes, ladies, I'm a catch.) In any case, I grabbed a book within reach, one of my favorites, Zen Flesh, Zen Bones, "A Collection of Zen and Pre-Zen Writings" translated by Paul Reps:

No sooner had the Buddha spoken than that Bodhisattva sprang up from the earth and bowed and paid homage to the Buddha. Buddha directed him to arouse the girl. The Bodhisattva went in front of the girl and snapped his fingers, and in that instant the girl came out from her deep meditation.

Dude. That's deep.

(Certainly more serious than my entry for the Band Meme.}

If you're interested, that's from koan #42 of The Gateless Gate. "The Girl Comes Out From Meditation." It's pretty apropos for me since Mumon's comment includes: "If you can understand this intimately, you yourself can enter the great meditation while you are living in the world of delusion." So, um, I'm afraid I'll be stuck there 'til at least November 2008.

Anyway, if you'd like to be tagged — you're it!

The Band Meme

So I swung (by a yardarm) o'er t' th' fine ship of Cap'n Dyke, Lesbian Pirate Queen and Rogue Blogger — Yar! — and discovered a great project/post: "The Band Meme." As the Cap'n's post explains:

Here’s how The Band Meme goes. You are about to have your own band’s CD cover. Follow these directions to the letter. Go to……

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random

The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

2. http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3

The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

3. http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/

The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4. Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together, and post the result as a comment in this post. Also, pass it along in your own journal because it’s more amusing that way.

The Cap'n's album is the pic above. And it's good. Really good. But stand fast, true believers, for the most hard-rockin' cover evar!

(Ready? Stand back, I tell ya!)


BOOM! Just look at it! That's friggin' hard-core, man! It's all like, ironic 'n' stuff. If it were goth, it would be "pink" goth, so goth, so assured in its gothiness and gotha-cicity, that it doesn't need to even look goth. And what says serious, ground-breakin' tunes like a friggin' panda bear? Nothing beats panda bears! They're like, the 11 of animals! Panda-Cams are like crack! Even Wonkette's snark melted when faced with the mighty power of Tai Shan Butterstick, provoking full-scale withdrawal breakdowns of the sort ya normally only see after ya've thrown the widescreen TV off the balcony of your 14th floor hotel room in a drunken rage. I mean...

...Okay, marketing says we need to sex it up a bit. They like the whole Panda thing, although they don't want me to mention the "crack" thing in the ad. They're thinking Billy and the Boingers meets the Evil Puppy from Conan O'Brien. Wholesome, cute, but also evil. Edgy. Something more like this:


Yeah! Look at that! It's an evil red panda! I mean, an evil red giant panda, not an evil red panda. Hell, you knew what I meant. Smart ass.

But I'm thinking it'll go double platinum.



God, I'm such a panderer sell-out.

Maybe watching a Polish art house classic will make me feel better.