Friday, February 20, 2009
Oscar Drinking Game, 2009 Edition
Feel free to adapt or improve this list as you wish. House Rules always take precedence. (And remember, you don’t need to use this drinking alcohol!)
Oh, and don't drink and drive, but being a person of culture and taste who can still appreciate the glorious-and-ridiculous excess of the Oscars, you'd never do that, would you?
OSCAR DRINKING GAME (2009 Edition)
For every joke about Obama and black presidents in disaster movies, take a drink.
For any joke involving both Bush and Nixon, or W. and Frost/Nixon, take a drink.
If Hugh Jackman sings, take a drink. If he performs part of X-Men: The Musical, take another.
If Jackman somehow manages to ram his crotch into the camera, take a drink.
For any interpretative dancing, take a drink. If any dance or musical number involves a dancing cockroach or orphans on crutches, take a drink.
If The Dark Knight not being nominated for Best Picture is referenced, take a drink. For any Christian Bale/eye-line gags, take a drink.
If the nomination counts for Kate Winslet or Meryl Streep are mentioned, take a drink.
If Jack Nicholson is shown grinning, take a drink. If Jack is sitting with an actress 24 years old or younger (one-third his age), take three drinks.
If the Weinsteins have taken hostage a gorgeous actress to sit with them, take a drink (and say a prayer for the poor dear).
If one of the presenters can’t pronounce a nominee’s name or can’t read the teleprompter, take a drink.
For every lame joke that bombs — drink some water, you need to pace yourself.
If anyone thanks God, the almighty, etc. take a drink. If they thank Ganesha, Xenu or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, finish your drink.
If anyone thanks his or her agent, take a sip of someone else's drink.
If anyone says he or she is “humbled” or “blessed,” take a drink.
If the music starts before the winner is finished, take a drink.
If not all the winners in a group get to speak, take a drink.
If someone forgets to thank their significant other, take a drink.
If anyone cries, whether onstage or in the audience, take a drink.
If a winner says, “Gosh, I don’t know who to thank,” only to begin thanking people, take a drink.
If anyone is caught snoozing in the audience, take a drink.
For any award presented by adorable moppets, adorable muppets, or animated characters, take a drink of soda or something sweet. If a live actor awkwardly banters with an animated character, take another drink of the same.
For every plea to stamp out movie piracy, take a drink.
For every seemingly purposeless montage, take a drink.
If the montage or a presenter in some way plugs seeing movies in the theater, take another drink.
If anyone climbs over Steven Spielberg and says they want to make love to the audience in the firmament, finish your drink. Ditto if anyone says they're the king of the world and starts whooping. Two sips for "You like me, you really like me." And hit the bathroom if someone announces on stage their need to pee.
If Billy Bush makes a bad pun, take a drink.
If the red carpet crew get breathless over an arrival but can't name someone, take a drink.
If any of the red carpet arrivals snub the entertainment reporters, take a drink. (Three if it's Oprah.)