Occasional blogging, mostly of the long-form variety.

Friday, March 05, 2010

Oscar Drinking Game (2010 Edition)

Feel free to adapt or improve this list as you wish. House Rules always take precedence. (And remember, you don’t need to use this drinking alcohol!)

Oh, and don't drink and drive, but being a person of culture and taste who can still appreciate the glorious-and-ridiculous excess of the Oscars, you'd never do that, would you?


If anyone comes out in blue face paint or speaks Na'vi, take a drink. (Two drinks for Klingon. Three drinks for a District 9 "prawn.")

For every mention of the former Kathryn Bigelow-James Cameron marriage, take a drink. (Ditto for any mention of the Baldwin-Basinger marriage.)

Every time the nomination count for Meryl Streep is mentioned (past the first one), take a drink.

Every time the Avatar Oscar count is compared to Titanic's, take a drink. If Celine Dion comes out and sings "My Heart Will Go On," finish your drink. (You'll need it.)

For every Leno-Conan joke, take a drink. Do the same for every 30 Rock plug.

If there's an Obama-black president-disaster movie joke, take a drink.

If there's a joke about the Pixar juggernaut, take a drink.

For any interpretative dancing, take a drink – but do it with style.

If Jack Nicholson is shown grinning, take a drink. If Jack's sitting with an actress one-third his age or younger (24), take three drinks.

If the Weinsteins have taken hostage a gorgeous actress to sit with them, take a drink in solidarity.

If one of the presenters can’t pronounce a nominee’s name or can’t read the teleprompter, take a drink.

If anyone thanks God, the almighty, etc. take a drink. If they thank Ganesha, Xenu or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, finish your drink.
If anyone thanks his or her agent, take a sip of someone else's drink.
If anyone says he or she is “humbled” or “blessed,” take a drink.
If the music starts before the winner is finished, take a drink.
If not all the winners in a group get to speak, take a drink.
If someone forgets to thank their significant other, take a drink.
If anyone cries, whether onstage or in the audience, take a drink.
If a winner says, “Gosh, I don’t know who to thank,” only to begin thanking people, take a drink.

If anyone is caught snoozing in the audience, take a drink.

For any award presented by adorable moppets, adorable muppets, or animated characters, take a drink of soda or something sweet. If a live actor awkwardly banters with an animated character, take another drink of the same.

For every plea to stamp out movie piracy, take a drink.
For every seemingly purposeless montage, take a drink.
If the montage or a presenter in some way plugs seeing movies in the theater, take another drink.

If anyone climbs over Steven Spielberg and says they want to make love to the audience in the firmament, finish your drink. Ditto if anyone says they're the king of the world and starts whooping. Two sips for "You like me, you really like me." And hit the bathroom if anyone announces on stage that they need to pee.


If Billy Bush makes a bad pun, take a drink.
If the red carpet crew get breathless over an arrival but can't name someone, take a drink.
If any of the red carpet arrivals snub the entertainment reporters, take a drink. (Three if it's Oprah.)


Distributorcap said...

i cant believe they havent mentioned Jack Nicholson once - and where is he?

Batocchio said...

Three years without the King of LA, Jack - I need to change it to Clooney, I guess. It was all Clooney and Streep tonight. Jack did make some of the film clip reels.