How Much Wank Would A Wingnut Wank...

(crossposted at The Blue Herald)


Assuming you haven’t been permanently blinded by the frightening (and frighteningly apt!) photo above... we’ll proceed!

The Editors over at The Poor Man Institute periodically hand out “Golden Wingnut” awards for impressive feats of wingnuttery and wankery. (And as this handy chart shows, “You can have wanking without the wingnuttery, but not wingnuttery without wanking.”) Now it’s time for the 2006 Kippie Awards for Excellence in Wingnuttery, with five finalists in each category. Vote before it’s too late! Read and let your mind recoil! The main post is here. As for their description of each award:

The Chickenhawk of the Year — One lucky wingnut will be awarded for recklessly and heroically putting someone else’s ass on the line for what he believes.

The Fluffy — Honoring the most egregious fluffing of a Bush administration official and/or mouthpiece.

The Purple Teardrop with Clutched Pearls Cluster— Awarded to honor the sacrifices of those who suffered hurt feelings when someone was just frightfully uncouth.

The Soggy Biscuit— The year’s most pathetic right-wing circle jerk.

Wank of the Year— Lots of wanks embarrass the wanker; but, for Wank of the Year, that’s not enough. A truly outstanding wank should humiliate the audience, shame the human race, and really raise some serious questions about whether this whole “Big Bang” enterprise was really such a hot idea.

The Palme d’Haire— Why celebrate wanking? Why not just note it in passing, and then let it go, as more immediate matters demand our attention? Why indeed. Once, we had never existed; a bit later, and we have passed away, to be no more. Our lives are but a fevered moment in the endless black night of Being; so easily tossed off, so easily ignored, so easily forgotten. For, indeed, are we not, you and I, merely tiny wanks in oceanic Eternity? I think, in a way, that we are. Some more than others, obviously.

So many wingnuts, so little time...